A publication of Brunico Communications Ltd.

Boards' Bullshit Buzzwords

Boards literally spent tens of dollars corralling the top minds (i.e. us) in a local dive to divine 2009's best buzzwords.

Adveratti - (n) the superstars of advertising; the gods before whom the industry flocks; like Madonna (both the singer, and the mother of Christ), they are recognizable by one name only
See: DROGA, BOGUSKY, CABRAL

Broner - (n) The holy grail in men's branding: eliciting a sense of fraternal companionship between heterosexual men that is akin to sexual arousal through advertising
<"Dude, that cow tipping evening sponsored by the American Meat Lovers Foundation TOTALLY gave me a broner!">

Fridget - (n) a seductively designed online application that promises to be an indispensable resource, but doesn't work, or 'put out' in colloquial parlance. Often confused with fidget. [Provenance: truncation of common utterance: "Fucking widget!"]
<"Goddamn it, my 'Gold At The End Of The Rainbow' widget is a fridget!">

Geotitillator - (n) based on cutting-edge tech used by Japanese whale hunting vessels and US military spy drones, this highly experimental mobile app software uses GPS, real-time satellite feeds and body mass index-scanning technology to isolate groups of females and guide sex-starved men in the fickle 15- to 24-year-old demographic to them. Illegal in 24 states; radiation has been known to cause impotence

Idearrhea - (n) a meeting among creatives that is so fruitful it causes a runny effluence of concepts; an outpouring of ideas, although not always confined to good ones
See: IMAGINEERING, IDEATION
<"The idea to cast Mike Tyson in this Huggies campaign was borne of the collective idearrhea among the creatives.">

Media Anemic - (phrase, euphemistic) slashing budgets
<"I'm afraid this campaign is rather media anemic. The good news is we can keep the eight tightrope-walking snow leopards. The bad news is the PAs will have to sleep with them to save accommodation costs.">

Media Antagonistic - (adj) a tactic used by agencies to enrage rather than engage
See: BURGER KING WHOPPER FREAKOUT; WHOPPER SACRIFICE

Moreganic - (adj) 1. an ad that is so organic that the resulting production waste can be recycled and used to create paper 2. a term to differentiate just how organic one's spot is from the other five currently in broadcast making a similar claim - esp. used when speaking to a journalist
<"We wanted the spot to have a moreganic feel so we shot with cameras made entirely out of hemp.">

Neurolinguistic Branding - (n) an extremely controversial experiment in ultra consumer interaction achieved through drugs, hypnosis or retail experiences. First pioneered by the US government in the '60s in an attempt to reassimilate hippies and communists into capitalist culture. Survivors dubbed the ordeal "Jacob's Ladder with motion graphics."

Pathogen - (n) an agency's desire for a web film to be disseminated so widely and so rapidly that it causes the sites that it's seeded to, to temporarily shut down. More potent than a viral, a pathogen's movement is akin to the destructive force of a terminal disease on the human body
<"We'd like you to do three spots and a pathogen for $250,000. Can you make it work?">

Presumer - (n) a notoriously fickle demographic: inarticulate, emotionally retarded, often incontinent, prone to bouts of screaming and crying; mercurial instinct buyers within a low income bracket (often referred to as "pocket money") presumers are a key, maturing market. Particularly susceptible to sugar-based direct solicitations from brightly-colored dinosaurs
See: CHILDREN

Put a ring on it - (phrase) a pop culture reference created and popularized by music icon Beyoncé, translated to the advertising domain, namely an emphatic declaration on the part of agencies and production companies in response to a client that is afraid to confirm a job
<"This thing's been going through testing for ages. For god's sake, can someone put a ring on it already?!">

User-degenerated content - (n) peculiar to the 21st century's Internet-savvy, outspoken and oft cynical generation of consumers, UDC is the ability of the consumer, given the power and the platform, to piss all over a brand

<"I hate Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg is demon seed. Let's get enough people on here so that we can boycott it!" - The Facebook "Down with Facebook" group.>
See: MEDIA ANTAGONISTIC

Spotocracy - (n) 1. an archaic approach to advertising wherein a brand delivers a message that is to be unequivocally accepted by the consumer 2. a relevant form of advertising up until, oh say, two years ago 3. spots exclusively seen on an audio-visual device that transmits radio waves, better known as "TV"
<"Back in the good old days of spotocracy I could stick a fresh menthol in a child's mouth, sit back and watch the dollars roll in.">

Sickophantic - (adj) empty compliments meted out with the hopes of currying the favor of superiors - esp. used by junior creatives
<"Alex, that idea's sick!">

Social Notworking - (n) a social media application that masks as research but is, in fact, an unproductive distraction
See: FACEBOOK

Economic Climate - (phrase) We're fucked. Good luck.

Like what you see here? Be a part of the fun... Send your best bullshit buzzwords to Kevin Ritchie at kevin@boardsmag.com.

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May 2010

Our May 2010 issue features a roundtable of directors, agency execs and production company EPs discussing the dire lack of women behind the camera on commercial shoots, our annual list of the year's top spot helmers, the story behind Philips' "Parallel Lines" shorts and more.



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