If commercials were the no-holds-barred creative shorts so many often mistake them for and not the post-post-modern sales pitches they actually are, the 2002 installment of the Boards dream teams would, perhaps, be less a propos.

More often than not however, details like wimpy clients or budgetary and scheduling constraints wind up shelving those gory, sexy or freaky scripts, limiting their potential to being recycled into two-ply post-consumer bogroll.

In a fit of inquisitiveness, we've decided to give creative and production teams from Richmond's The Martin Agency and Hamburg's Jung Von Matt a chance to show us what they're made of in terms of raw creative chutzpah. We created two briefs for our fictional Buzz brand and handed it to our conspirators, who prepared scripts and listed their top picks for teams they'd like to see produce their spot concepts. Keep in mind we initially approached five agencies, but factors such as their own paying jobs or cold feet resulted in these completed teams produced by Virginians and Germans; could tobacco be the connection? You be the judge.

1. THE MARTIN AGENCY:

THE PROJECT

Category: Automotive
Market: North America
Target Demographic: Primary 18-24, Secondary 24+
Product: Buzz, a new sub-compact from a major US automaker, oddly-shaped (imagine an SUV that shrunk) and available in über-hip colors with interiors to match, plus many youth-oriented extras such as board gear stowing rack and digital all-in-one entertainment/communication unit (complete with MP3 player).
Brief: This is an entry-level priced ride that the carmaker developed to woo younger consumers, hoping to take a piece of the trendy car action (see Mini, Matrix, etc.) and the lower-end import biz back, to instill interest with this demo, and to hopefully build loyalty for the U.S. brand with new car buyers, with an eye to their mid-range purchases down the road.
Execution: Mine music videos, the latest trendy film or whatever else can catch the eye of these ever-frustrating young people!
Budget: $500,000 US

THE PITCH

The Martin Agency, Richmond, Virginia
Client: Buzz
Date:June 1, 2002
Job: "Last Ride" :60 TV
Idea: We the viewer are accompanying someone who, unbe-knownst to us, is on the final drive of their life. We are given subtle clues as to the ultimate outcome of the spot - such as a note or the continual cutting to tight details of things - we are seeing as one might if they knew it was the last time they would be looking at something. The visuals are obviously open to a director's interpretation.
The entire spot is seen from the POV of the main character. The feel of the spot is that of a seamless take occasionally intercut with extreme closeups of things. The spot works closely with the track "You and Whose Army" by Radiohead.
SETTING: Cold, gray morning
SFX: Song/Ambience
We open (POV of character). We are eating toast and having a cup of coffee. We sign a note that we have been writing and put it in an envelope. We see a closeup of fingers folding the envelope. We get up and head to the door. We walk past a picture of a young woman. We reach to touch the photo. We push in on the detail of the woman's face. We are met by our dog whom we pet. The shot then pushes into extreme detail of the hair just above the dog's eyes. We walk to a car in the driveway. We see that it is the "BUZZ." We push into detail of the car. We get in the car. We pull out onto the street. And begin what looks to be a leisurely drive. We see the road in front. We notice a flock of birds rising from a field. We cut to detail of a flying bird. We drive past a farmhouse. We cut to the detail of its architecture. We place a CD in the player. We cut to detail of controls.
SFX: As CD is put into player the tempo and complexity of the visuals and music begin to build.
We see the road in front again and notice that we are now driving faster. We are passing cars. We are passing cars by going completely off the road. We are passing cars by going into the opposite lanes. We look behind us. We push in to detail of cool-looking interior of car. We should never feel that we are endangering other lives.
SFX: The music continues to mount to a crescendo.
We turn around again and see we are driving at an extremely high rate... approaching a bridge. Amidst the chaos of our speed, we notice a cloud in the sky. We push in to detail of cloud. We look back at the road and suddenly yank the wheel hard to the left. We cross a lane of traffic and crash through the guardrail and head down to the water below. We cut to detail of water. We cut to black as music ends.
Cut to woman from photo looking at note in envelope.
We hear VO: Once you drive it...
Written on note, "What else is there?"
ALT ENDING: The alternate ending has us going into the water, cutting to the woman in the photo who is reading the letter (which we do not see) and covering her mouth in shock. As we see this we hear VO: "There. Now you've lived."

LOGO fade up over picture.
©2002 The Martin Agency

THE TEAM

Creative Director: Joe Alexander
Copywriter: Josh Gold
Art Director: Mark Peters
Directors to triple bid:
1. Jonathon Glazer, Academy, London.
"Because he's so fucking good at everything."
2. Mehdi Norowzian, Chelsea Pictures, US and Joy, London.
"Because I've shot with him before and he's bloody brilliant."
3. Ivan Zacharias, Stink UK, and Smuggler, US.
"He lenses some of the most original filmmaking in the commercial arena."
Editor: Andre Betz, Bug Editorial, New York/ Robert Duffy, Spotwelders, Venice, CA
Colorist: Stefan Sonnenfeld, Company Three, Santa Monica
Effects (if needed):The Mill, London; Smoke & Mirrors, London; Buf, Paris
Music/Sound Designer: Sound: Huma, NYC; Music: Amber Music, London

* * *

2. JUNG VON MATT

THE PROJECT

Category: Consumer Pharmaceuticals
Market: Pan European
Target Demographic: Men aged 30+
Product: Buzz is a new over-the-counter Viagra knockoff reportedly longer lasting and more potent than the original purple pills. It's slightly costlier than the original, but will be marketed as the perfect weekend accessory for the aging lothario.
Brief: Obviously, drug advertising is a touchy area but for our "dream" team scenario, we are saying drug ads are no-holds-barred. Buzz wants to take a cut of the action from Viagra, which is obviously the established and well-known brand in this area. Currently, the pharmaceutical giant has no market share but would like to slice at least 25% of the market away from the established brand.
Execution: Due to the potentially humiliating situation that makes this sort of medication necessary, a comedy dialog approach is no doubt the most apt way to make Buzz stand out (or up!) Plus, the ads should have "watercooler" potential that would gain ancillary publicity via news and entertainment media.
Budget: $1,000,000 US

THE PITCH

Jung Von Matt, Hamburg Germany
Client: Buzz
Date: June 1, 2002
Job: "Hef's Buzz" :60 TV
SETTING: The Playboy mansion
A day in the life of Hugh Hefner.
treatment: Hef wakes up in his Playboy mansion surrounded by five blond Bunnies: two in his arms, one on the floor next to the bed, one under the blanket (?!) next to Little Hef.
Hef yawns, gives some kisses and gets into the shower. Some of the girls join him; the steam covers the glass of the shower cabin. Cut to Hef on his terrace. He is fed some toast and OJ by... you can imagine who. In the background we see barely-dressed girls playing tennis. One black-haired chick with a parachute lands next to Hefner and gets a fresh Gucci suit out of her backpack.
Hef is being dressed by three females while three other Charlie's Angels lookalikes speed up his drive way in an open Ferrari 360, an open Lambo and one 900 Ducati.
Hef gets into the Ferrari and is escorted to a big lonely beach. He gets out of the car while we see five speedboats coming towards the shore from the horizon. They are driven by Laetitia Casta, Heidi Klum, Naomi Campbell, Nastasia Kinski and, of course,Madonna.
They are all speeding up, trying to get to Hefner first who is waiting for them with a big smile on his face. The speedboats drive to the shore and the five girls jump towards Hef who is opening his arms for them. They are all kissing Hef while we hear the sound of a big airplane coming closer.
Cut to a wider shot: We see a net being dropped from a big military transporter, catching Hef and taking him up in the air. Cut to the inside of the plane - a gigantic, perfectly styled, blue neon, white leather limousine with a huge lounging area.
There are 100 Angelina Jolie clones approaching Hefner, all dancing to the beat of the music.
Cut to the outside: We see the plane firing up its engines disappearing into outer space. The last shot is the plane entering a black hole. Cut to packshot of Buzz.

THE TEAM

Creative Director: Oliver Voss
Creative Team: Sorry, but I would want to do this one myself
Agency Producer: Jasmine Kimera, Wieden + Kennedy, Amsterdam
Production Company: Independent, London
Director to triple bid:
1. Guy Ritchie, Paul Weiland, London or Scar, London
2. Kuntz & Maguire, MJZ, US and UK
3. Frank Budgen, Gorgeous, London
Executive Producer: Jani Guest, Independent, London
Editor: I'd go for Guy's or Frank's choice
Colorist: Seamus Okane, VTR, London
Music: Superfunk
Song: "Lucky Star" (Album Mix)